It's not just a little crush.

Design project really kills.
Demoralised souls , stressed up, frustration are beginning to surface amongst close friends.
Good thing is, we're really not in a group.
You learn more as you work with people not within your comfort circle.

My group's shaper is amazing.
The type of leadership qualities which I so want to have.
And that quickness of intellect. When will I ever get to that state ?

As it is, I'm struggling to find answers to my own scope of problems for design.
How will big companies like Exxonmobil/ Shell ever employ someone like me who is lacking in so many areas except ambition ?

These are not boundaries set by me but what I find in my short-comings.
There's no textbook nor course , yea hell crap they talk about team-building crash-courses, but seriously you learn that as you face project problems as a team.

A part of me wants to rely on my parents for life but I will despise myself for that .
And looking at whatever I'm lacking, I fear and I have so little confidence and strength to stand on my own.

So fat chance of hope and much bull-talk on being successful.

I just have to keep on trying.

Damn, I should have been made in a test-tube, with the desired genes all impregnated as an embryo.