Mellow-down.

I have decided to :

• keep my hair long
• stop wearing jeans
• stop wearing heels when I go shopping
• stop gossiping about other people
• stop harping on becoming a doctor
• stop thinking Australia can possibly be a new place to escape to

Instead , I will aim to :

• Get a decent job at an MNC and secure my rice-bowl
• Shelf plans for further studies when I am going nowhere in my career
• Still proceed with temporary work visas in every country with opportunity til I make a decision to stop
• Leave this country when I feel stifled again

We learn some,we forgot some .

I've been so busy , hardly had time for myself.

My direction from now on shall be to be more focused & be less psychotic.

To me , and forever and always , I'll focus on being awesome.

Physical over emotional pain.

Given a choice , I prefer physical over emotional pain anytime.
Like whilst suffering the aches of pilates, the pain's pleasurable as compared to that emotional agony, is so less torturous, so less tormenting.

It's not just a little crush.

Design project really kills.
Demoralised souls , stressed up, frustration are beginning to surface amongst close friends.
Good thing is, we're really not in a group.
You learn more as you work with people not within your comfort circle.

My group's shaper is amazing.
The type of leadership qualities which I so want to have.
And that quickness of intellect. When will I ever get to that state ?

As it is, I'm struggling to find answers to my own scope of problems for design.
How will big companies like Exxonmobil/ Shell ever employ someone like me who is lacking in so many areas except ambition ?

These are not boundaries set by me but what I find in my short-comings.
There's no textbook nor course , yea hell crap they talk about team-building crash-courses, but seriously you learn that as you face project problems as a team.

A part of me wants to rely on my parents for life but I will despise myself for that .
And looking at whatever I'm lacking, I fear and I have so little confidence and strength to stand on my own.

So fat chance of hope and much bull-talk on being successful.

I just have to keep on trying.

Damn, I should have been made in a test-tube, with the desired genes all impregnated as an embryo.

There are things which I cant comprehend

Recovering from a setback takes some time , I get it.
At this point in time, I'm working on regaining motivation, self-assertiveness & apathy.
Yes, my 'couldn't be bothered' , 'heck-care' attitude is what I'm going to adopt to let the pain subside.

Damn right, I'm going to be a mean bitch & you just have to live with it.

Childish yes, but I cant keep my focus off-balance.

So what, you've been dumped, left behind. Why the fuck should I care ?

Whilst I'm suffering from whatever shit you throw upon me , where the bloody hell were you?

So who gives you the bloody right to come back as and when you fancy and what am I now, you're back-up , stand-in?

I might need a stand-in at the moment for myself, and do you make the cut ?

I think this is the closure that I need, that you're fucking hell rotting in your own misery & at least I've moved on well and away from you.

I achieve what I wanted and I'm approaching my next phase of life, be it with or without you.

Cause ` you're just out-right pathetic , forever not knowing what you missed until its long be gone, and worst still, unknowing that you're the cause of it all.

What do you want from me ?

A late message caused a heart-beat skip.
Are you looking for someone to lick your wounds?
I cant remember what you did to me but all I remember is a twisted justification for something you did wrong.
What's with telling me your heart-breaks?

Why is there so much unspoken agony ?

Final-year student .

Vacation came and went.
Spent time in Sydney with family .
Played with Ava aka 1st angmo cousin in the family.

Went clubbing with Penny & her friends, had VIP access and so much of liquor.
Stayed at her apartment which made me literally feel like the "girl living in New York City".
Of course,it was fun. Maybe I might consider an apartment near Tanglin / Forum Area.
Hell, is Shaw Towers still there ,even ?

In any case, living in the city sure is awesome.

Loads of issues pressing deep and well, life's been depressing off late.

On the plus side, set in a friend's Mini Cooper and helped housemate moved to her new apartment, and guess what , we actually managed to fix her bed .Just us girls with our bare hands & an accompanied Alan-screw. How awesome is that ?
Why do we need guys for ?

Only for sex .

And yes Mum , to top it off, why did I choose Engineering ? Seriously, do you need to get all bigotry with me when I tell you I don't want the hardship accompanied with it ?

I feel like I've been slapped in the face , which was un-called for.